How We’re Doing…
Simon the Bunny
Each time I walk down the stairs I pause and look at poor Buster, our dog, who is waiting expectantly for George to come home. He looks a little sadder each day. Our rabbit, Simon, really liked George best. I chase him around the cage, and grab him when he is unaware, George walked in, said, “Hi Simon,” and that rabbit would hop over to the side of the cage to be picked up. And yes, I’m the one who feeds him.
Everyone liked George, so everyone feels bad that he is gone. I’ve gotten a lot of letters and cards (still getting get well cards, that hurts.) Everyone remembers him as happy and funny and talking about us, and especially Lily. So I thought I’d tell you a little about Lily and George, and how they came to be.
I’m sure everyone knows that George was a longtime bachelor, 46 when we married, and he was in no hurry to change his single status. When we got together for the second time I knew George was a singleton, but I was so very glad to see him, so glad to be with him, I didn’t care if he was one of those people who seem to prefer to be alone in life.
Right away he started hanging out at my house all the time, and my dog, Boomer, loved him. George made himself right at home and looked like he’d been there forever. He was a homebody, and it was nice to be with someone who wanted to enjoy the house for a change.
We watched tv (George LOVED tv), movies, cooked, talked and generally had a great time. George had a temper, (anyone who has lived with him knows this), but it was a sort of explosive thing, and then gone. We started to get used to being together and including each other in all our future plans. He met my friends, I met his. We were a couple.
About two years into this time I found out I was pregnant. I did five pregnancy tests and even then I was suspicious. I was 43. I’d thought my dream of children was over, and I really couldn’t believe I was actually going to have a baby.
George was at training. He was gone for a week. I wanted to tell him in person to see what his face told me, but if you know me, you know I can’t keep a secret, so I called him that night and broke the news. There was a long — pregnant — pause. Then he said, “I have a lot to do down here, I’m supposed to be studying, I’ll talk to you when I get home. (In 4 days.)”
What the?
Four days, to me, even now, seemed like forever. What was he thinking? We’d looked at engagement rings on a lark a few weeks before, but nothing got bought, and I was wondering what my lifelong bachelor boyfriend was thinking about this.
I told my mom. I got all the way to 43 before I had to tell her I was pregnant before marriage, but I still felt like a teenager. Everyone was in shock. “What does George say?” my mom asked. “That he has to study,” I answered. “What the Hell does that mean?” my mom asked.
“I don’t know,” I thought.
Wedding in Vegas... George, Me, and Lily
Well the four days passed and then it was the weekend and I went to the airport to pick him up. He got off the plane with a “Fit Pregnancy” magazine and said, “I’m going to make sure you get everything you want,” and he did. We got married in Vegas, waiting 5 months so we could see Tom Jones live. (I rethought the wait as I dressed for our wedding in a silk outfit from a pea in a pod. “Maybe we waited a little too long,” I thought, looking down at my giant tummy.)
We had a ball in Las Vegas. We would meet people and they would say, “We just got married!” and George would say, “Us too!” and I would nudge or kick him when their eyes widened as took in my baby bump. After a few times, I gave up because he just didn’t care what they thought and he was having a great time. He was thrilled to be married, to be having a baby. He was ready, at last, to be a husband.
I had no problems with my pregnancy, and when I got to the hospital everyone in my family ended up wanting to be there. My mom, dad, sister Nancy, Lorna and George were in the room when Lily was born. The doc, who assumed I was too old to have a regular birth, had left the room to see about getting an OR for a c-section, so I asked the nurse to help me figure out how to push the baby out while he was gone. Five minutes later, the doctor was back and Lily was almost born.
George leaned over and told me that it was happening, she was coming. He looked over at Lorna, on the other side of the bed, and dropped his jaw and made a face and we all laughed, so or course, he did it again… and again. While he was cutting up, the doctor turned Lily around and her face was visible. George looked again and said in awe, “She’s so beautiful.” That’s when he fell in love. She had his heart, and she never let go for one minute.
He cracked us up again by saying, “There’s a person coming out of my person!” and other funny stuff. Everyone turned away from me to Lily and in that moment I learned what it is to be a mom. “Is she ok?” I asked. “Can I see her?” Now no one cared about me, though I had been their only focus minutes before. Lily was in the world and everyone was captivated. They couldn’t stop looking at her, touching her, loving her. I told George to follow her to the next room so they wouldn’t get her mixed up while they bathed and weighed her and he followed behind the nurse, right on her tail.
George and His Girl
We brought her home and loved her. We had her in the bed all the time, in the tub with me, I carried her until she was so big my back went out. She spent her nights sitting in George’s lap. He was Daddy Monster, who chased her everywhere, teased her, kissed her, threw her, picked her up. They had fun every day.
Lily is serious, thoughtful, sad these days. She misses him. He was the fun one, the nutty one, the one we always waited for. It feels like we’re still waiting. I spend a lot of time specifically focusing on the fact of his death because I want to be realistic and this strange surreal feeling that he’s coming home is very uncomfortable. I’m not much of a fantasy person. I like things real.
My relationship with George was very, very real. His love for us was real. His overwhelming pride for Lily was real. And now his loss is real, too. So even though we feel like we’re waiting I try hard to face what is real, what is true, what is unchangeable.
My friend says my posts are killing him they are so sad and I know what he means. I hope I’m not wallowing too much. I can’t seem to stop writing right now, so I guess I’ll keep it up… Don’t know where this is going right now.
Love and hugs.
You won’t know me, but I was one of the British disabled students that Epps trained to fly in the 90s. I have just read your post at the top of this thread. It is so poignant! You may not have become a couple until relatively late in life, but you certainly captured the essence of George. He was loved and is still remembered fondly by the British students over the ‘pond’ here in England.
Take care and thank God that you two met each other and found real happiness. Some people are together for whole lifetimes and don’t achieve that. You sound like such a brave lady, I’m not surprised that George fell in love with you!
You guys are very nice. I’m writing because all of this stuff is flowing out of me, I can’t really help it. It seems like it is helping me a little, to process this. Having people read it does encourage me to continue writing because it gives me a little feedback, and people add to the ideas I have started. I never would have thought that I would do my grieving in such a public forum, but facebook has actually saved my life. I feel very isolated up here in pennsylvania, where I have virtually no friends. Posting to facebook makes me feel like I have a support group here. Good night.
