“I blame the plane,” Lily said, all of a sudden a few days ago. She’s been struggling with the why and the who of George’s death (and who hasn’t?) She doesn’t want it to be any one person’s fault, so the plane is the perfect culprit.
I know how she feels.
Its difficult not to obsess on whose fault it is. Why it happened. What went wrong. A friend described the accident as slices of Swiss cheese whose holes lined up, an unlikely event, but one that happens sometimes. George fell through the holes. We’ve always been so lucky, its the absolute last thing I ever thought would happen, for the holes to line up. Not to us. Because of my absolute belief that we’re good people. Smart people. Lucky people.
And I guess if you examine the above… arrogant people.
I’ve been thinking a lot about arrogance, and how easy it is to slip into when things are going your way.
Most of us have spent some time thinking about what it would have been like to be born in less advantageous circumstances. Nothing makes you dwell on your “luck” more than an accident. I’ve always had an underlying guilt about being born into privilege. My dad was a doctor, not the wealthiest one, but an MD just the same, and there are many advantages. We had a nice house, lived in a nice neighborhood, had a lot of wonderful opportunities.
Then there is the advantage of health. I’ve been pretty lucky there, too. I still have both of my parents, though both have had lots of ups and downs. My dad is 82, my mom is 78. They are both clued in to the culture and know who is who (love Beyonce) and what is what (hate tattoos.) I have had a variety of health issues, but nothing I haven’t been able to overcome. I have two sister, one of whom has some handicaps, but she’s been able to manage them with the help we can afford to give her.
We’ve lived a nice life. A little research shows how nice.
I imagine most everyone reading this is in the top fifteen percent of income in the world. Many are in the top one percent. We rarely think of it that way, but its true.
| Percentage of world population | Percentage of world income | Yearly individual income | Daily individual income |
 |
|||
| Bottom 10 percent | 0.8 | $400 | $1,10 |
| Bottom 20 percent | 2.0 | $500 | $1,37 |
| Bottom 50 percent | 8.5 | $850 | $2,33 |
| Bottom 75 percent | 22.3 | $1,487 | $4,07 |
| Bottom 85 percent | 37.1 | $2,182 | $5,98 |
|
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| Top 10 percent | 50.8 | $25,400 | $69,59 |
| Top 5 percent | 33.7 | $33,700 | $92,33 |
| Top 1 percent | 9.5 | $47,500 | $130,14 |
We are in the top 1%
So, if you make $47.500 or above, you are in the TOP 1% IN INCOME in the world. Mind blowing, huh? Its easy to lose sight of the reality of the world when we are so privileged.
I’ve had a lot of interesting conversations since George’s death with lots of people who seem to be unaware of the their luck in life. Beautiful people. Young people. Wealthy people. Healthy people. Intelligent people. Such lucky, happy, beautiful, privileged people. It’s easy to start to believe you deserve your luck, easy to expect the best.
I had a conversation with a woman who is exceedingly beautiful about how very nice people are. Yeah, they are. Especially when you are beautiful. The world is just friendlier when you shine. But she thought I was crazy when I suggested people were just nicer to her because she was so lovely. Her beauty has convinced her the world’s an extremely kind place. And for her, it is.
I’ve been trying to come to terms with reality, and I’ve realized that its easy to float through life, expecting and accepting the best, assuming those who are less fortunate are in some way less deserving. The experience of George’s death has rocked my view of the world. I’m more thankful for the good things I have, and I realize how much I’ve been given simply by the accidents of birth and chance.
Lucky Lily
I’ve had lots of love in my life. I was able to get an education. Fun has be plentiful. Happiness bountiful. Money more than adequate. I intend to educate Lily about how fortunate she is. It’s strange that it took this horrible turn of events for me to focus on the bounty in our lives. Now that I have, I intend to live every day mindful of all that I’ve been given. I plan to appreciate my time on earth, be joyful, and embrace hope.
If I’ve learned anything about fate, its that no matter how lucky you think you are, every once in a while, the holes can line up.
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
WOW, what insight! Yes just about everyone who will come here and read is FORTUNATE in life. My parents were immigrants so they appreciated everything, mom saved string, rubberbands, EVERYTHING. I never understood why, but watching her, I realized NOTHING was taken for granted, especially good fortune (as Chinese say). You are so right in your observations about people and how they perceive the world through their set of glasses, some Gucci some K-mart but both are still better than MOST. Life has a way of giving and taking. Some people will blame something/someone for their fate. Sometimes life just IS. (IMHO) The key is to do exactly as you are doing and modeling for Lily…pick yourself up, assess the situation, learn from it if you can, appreciate what you do have, and move forward. It’s NOT an easy thing to do sometimes when it involves TREMENDOUS tragedy but the DOING is the LIVING. One day, when Lily is much older, she will look back, and the memories of these months past and years ahead may be the source of her strength to move through her own life situations. Your strength and wisdom and mothering will carry her far. You’re doing “good” Lisa. There sometimes are no answers for WHY when life’s HOLES just so happen to line up. It’s probably beneficial to get to that reality sooner rather than later, just as you seem to be doing. I admire your strength.
Lisa,
You have an incredible way of expressing yourself! I really enjoy the prespectives that you share and look forward to your posts!
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts!
Rod
Interesting… when I hit a very, very rough patch which is irrelevant to your hardship, I started thinking a lot about innocence. There are so many moments of purity and innocence in our lives, and we don’t even notice.
And you are right, we are lucky.
Having lost my husband October 2008….
I can relate to many/most of your postings…
You are doing so well; I admire you…
Reality is Reality…but sometimes; even today; it still just does not seem possible…it’s like my Tony is just off on one of his trips…
God Bless You and Lily!!
after hurricane katrina…when all i felt like i was doing for months was providing my patients with a forum to talk, rant, cry, and tell their stories….and there were many very horrible stories…the thing that always caused me to cry, then and now, was when they concluded about how lucky they were to still be alive. this heroic spirit was the one thing i wished the rest of the country could see and hear, and the one thing i knew they wouldn’t, because the media were comfortable with the bits they kept showing over and over. old men who put their handicapped wives on doors and floated them out. young men who kept people’s spirits up in a devastated superdome. responsible, brave folk who wept like children and then would dry their eyes and tell me how lucky they were. i was never so proud of the community. kind of like the proud i am of you and lily and sara right now!