Comments on: Let’s Stay Together http://rememberinggeorge.com/2010/01/12/lets-stay-together/ A blog about my late husband, George Maddox, who died after being injured in a plane crash. About grief, marriage, love and unexpected loss. Thu, 22 Mar 2012 02:57:11 -0400 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Doreen http://rememberinggeorge.com/2010/01/12/lets-stay-together/comment-page-1/#comment-1490 Doreen Fri, 29 Jan 2010 13:51:22 +0000 http://rememberinggeorge.com/?p=685#comment-1490 That song is one of my favorites! I LOVE it. I've been out of it too. My best friend Jan's boy Michael had a STROKE at 23! Blood vessel burst in his head last Friday. Brain Surgery that night. A week later still in ICU, but all is promising. Still some eyesight problems. Think of you and Lily a lot! much love, Doreen That song is one of my favorites! I LOVE it. I’ve been out of it too. My best friend Jan’s boy Michael had a STROKE at 23! Blood vessel burst in his head last Friday. Brain Surgery that night. A week later still in ICU, but all is promising. Still some eyesight problems. Think of you and Lily a lot! much love, Doreen

]]> By: fifilaroach http://rememberinggeorge.com/2010/01/12/lets-stay-together/comment-page-1/#comment-1441 fifilaroach Fri, 15 Jan 2010 01:22:09 +0000 http://rememberinggeorge.com/?p=685#comment-1441 You crack me up! I didn't know you were taking care of your mother in law. That is a very big stressor. I admire you for taking it on. You crack me up!
I didn’t know you were taking care of your mother in law. That is a very big stressor. I admire you for taking it on.

]]> By: lisa maddox http://rememberinggeorge.com/2010/01/12/lets-stay-together/comment-page-1/#comment-1440 lisa maddox Fri, 15 Jan 2010 01:19:17 +0000 http://rememberinggeorge.com/?p=685#comment-1440 Oy indeed! Oy indeed!

]]> By: Tracey http://rememberinggeorge.com/2010/01/12/lets-stay-together/comment-page-1/#comment-1439 Tracey Wed, 13 Jan 2010 02:53:28 +0000 http://rememberinggeorge.com/?p=685#comment-1439 One of the simplest but most profound things I ever heard regarding child rearing came from Dr. Phil: "Love is the best disciplinarian." I guess it's up to you to determine how you use that love to discipline. Love isn't allowing the child to run rampant; it's doing the hard stuff that is ultimately good for your daughter. For me personally, the hardest thing is learning to "let go" and let her grow up, not holding on forever. But this is coming from an overprotective, Jewish mother. Oy. Love you lots, Tracey One of the simplest but most profound things I ever heard regarding child rearing came from Dr. Phil: “Love is the best disciplinarian.” I guess it’s up to you to determine how you use that love to discipline. Love isn’t allowing the child to run rampant; it’s doing the hard stuff that is ultimately good for your daughter. For me personally, the hardest thing is learning to “let go” and let her grow up, not holding on forever. But this is coming from an overprotective, Jewish mother. Oy.
Love you lots,
Tracey

]]> By: Becky http://rememberinggeorge.com/2010/01/12/lets-stay-together/comment-page-1/#comment-1438 Becky Tue, 12 Jan 2010 23:01:11 +0000 http://rememberinggeorge.com/?p=685#comment-1438 There are days that I want to run away too. I sometimes feel that I have too much for one person to handle and I haven't been even close to what you've been thru. Every day can be a struggle when you deal with someone with dementia. I find myself complaining but then again I wouldn't trade it for the world. I feel safer having her here with us. Sooner or later I come back around and get off my piss pot. I just have to remember tomorrow is another day. As for grief....I don't think I'll ever get over losing my mother. I think about her alot and she was only 71 yrs young when she passed away. I guess thats why I can't bring myself to put John's mother in a nursing home. She is where she belongs and that is with us. No matter how much of a struggle it can be, its good for her, John, Kristi and me. So once again I'll get off that piss pot and deal with it....ya never know when her time will come. So for now I am thankful to be able to move here to take care of her. Make sure you take that light to the new house. Kids are amazing and I'm sure Lily is dealing with things the best she can...just like you. Hang in there and keep posting. Hugs to you both {{big hugs}}! Cry when you need to. Laugh as loud and long as you can. Laugh so hard it'll make ya wanna pee...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH oops gotta go the bathroom. Love ya Becky There are days that I want to run away too. I sometimes feel that I have too much for one person to handle and I haven’t been even close to what you’ve been thru. Every day can be a struggle when you deal with someone with dementia. I find myself complaining but then again I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I feel safer having her here with us. Sooner or later I come back around and get off my piss pot. I just have to remember tomorrow is another day. As for grief….I don’t think I’ll ever get over losing my mother. I think about her alot and she was only 71 yrs young when she passed away. I guess thats why I can’t bring myself to put John’s mother in a nursing home. She is where she belongs and that is with us. No matter how much of a struggle it can be, its good for her, John, Kristi and me. So once again I’ll get off that piss pot and deal with it….ya never know when her time will come. So for now I am thankful to be able to move here to take care of her. Make sure you take that light to the new house. Kids are amazing and I’m sure Lily is dealing with things the best she can…just like you. Hang in there and keep posting. Hugs to you both {{big hugs}}! Cry when you need to. Laugh as loud and long as you can. Laugh so hard it’ll make ya wanna pee…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH oops gotta go the bathroom.
Love ya
Becky

]]> By: joy http://rememberinggeorge.com/2010/01/12/lets-stay-together/comment-page-1/#comment-1437 joy Tue, 12 Jan 2010 21:00:54 +0000 http://rememberinggeorge.com/?p=685#comment-1437 glad you're posting again..... "Lily".... no need to say more... hang in there, lots of hugs to you both, and sara. J glad you’re posting again….. “Lily”…. no need to say more… hang in there, lots of hugs to you both, and sara.

J

]]> By: Jeannie Hebert http://rememberinggeorge.com/2010/01/12/lets-stay-together/comment-page-1/#comment-1436 Jeannie Hebert Tue, 12 Jan 2010 19:05:49 +0000 http://rememberinggeorge.com/?p=685#comment-1436 My heart goes out to you Lisa! I wish I could help on this one but....when Eddie left this world I was left to raise teens on my own so the foundation was already there! I do like Lynns approach to all of the rebellion! I am helping to raise my 2 grand daughters and the 5 year old reminds me of Lily so full of life and a wonderful sense of humor! LOL I have found Lynns approach works well !!!! It is nice to get a post from you! It is also understandable that sometimes you just have to step back and be where you need to be! Grieving is hard work. I remember having my time alone to absorb it all over again. Seems I had to go over & over the same feelings before I could move ahead! (3 steps forward & 2 behind). Just don't get stuck in 1 place to long! (which is impossible anyway with a child to deal with) It is hard but we pull ourselves along for their sake! You have a lot going on right now so take it easy on yourself my friend! So glad you are getting help from the school! Hang in there it does get better! much love to you all! Jeannie My heart goes out to you Lisa! I wish I could help on this one but….when Eddie left this world I was left to raise teens on my own so the foundation was already there! I do like Lynns approach to all of the rebellion! I am helping to raise my 2 grand daughters and the 5 year old reminds me of Lily so full of life and a wonderful sense of humor! LOL I have found Lynns approach works well !!!! It is nice to get a post from you! It is also understandable that sometimes you just have to step back and be where you need to be! Grieving is hard work. I remember having my time alone to absorb it all over again. Seems I had to go over & over the same feelings before I could move ahead! (3 steps forward & 2 behind). Just don’t get stuck in 1 place to long! (which is impossible anyway with a child to deal with) It is hard but we pull ourselves along for their sake! You have a lot going on right now so take it easy on yourself my friend! So glad you are getting help from the school! Hang in there it does get better! much love to you all! Jeannie

]]> By: Lynn Stroud http://rememberinggeorge.com/2010/01/12/lets-stay-together/comment-page-1/#comment-1435 Lynn Stroud Tue, 12 Jan 2010 18:26:24 +0000 http://rememberinggeorge.com/?p=685#comment-1435 Regarding the control issue... I like that you said you are going to try to give her choices. Making decisions even when narrowed down to multiple choice options gives them a feeling of responsibility and control over it and becomes less about rebelling. I always used "making a good decision" as my comeback to Dylan when he was acting up. If he was doing something that he was about to get in trouble for and knew it, I would remind him "honey, just remember to try to make a good decision so you won't have to endure consequences that make you sad or mad." In most cases this worked in his curbing his temper or acting out... but when he went on to get in trouble anyway...making that bad decision, I would never do an "I told you so" type of response..... I would always empathize with him completely and tell him how sorry I was that he made that bad decision or choice in the matter but that the consequences would soon be behind him and we would have another chance next time to make a better decision. Empathy works wonders even when it is you inflicting the consequences whether it be a "grounding" or "going to bed early" or having to "give up something they enjoy doing" for a while in response to the bad decision they made. I always told Dylan not to worry, I, too made many bad choices and still do, but it's just a part of living and learning and becoming the better person that God wants me to be or that I promised God I would help him be no matter what. It passes the buck somehow to say you are doing it cause you promised God to help them be the best boy / girl they can be and so you are following His guidelines of imposing consequences for certain behaviors. Empathizing makes it believable to them and they don't feel you are the bad guy quite as much. It may not seem to work perfectly at first, but once it becomes part of what they expect to hear each time when they are screwing up, after awhile, it works similar to making a hissing sound at a cat when they are on the counter and need to get down.... suddenly their brain triggers and thinks ... "hmmmm, am I about to make a bad decision?" and being in control of it, they will learn to curb it, instead of feeling like it's a battle between you and them. It also gives them an out to back out of the deep water they are already half way into. It's important too to get a good response from you about how proud you are of the good decision they just made. End of subject, they don't have to dwell on whether they just gave in to a threat and looked stupid doing it, it's about being on the same team and working together.... even though you have the job of carrying out the consequence sentence. Hope this helps. It has worked for us. Regarding the control issue… I like that you said you are going to try to give her choices. Making decisions even when narrowed down to multiple choice options gives them a feeling of responsibility and control over it and becomes less about rebelling. I always used “making a good decision” as my comeback to Dylan when he was acting up. If he was doing something that he was about to get in trouble for and knew it, I would remind him “honey, just remember to try to make a good decision so you won’t have to endure consequences that make you sad or mad.” In most cases this worked in his curbing his temper or acting out… but when he went on to get in trouble anyway…making that bad decision, I would never do an “I told you so” type of response….. I would always empathize with him completely and tell him how sorry I was that he made that bad decision or choice in the matter but that the consequences would soon be behind him and we would have another chance next time to make a better decision. Empathy works wonders even when it is you inflicting the consequences whether it be a “grounding” or “going to bed early” or having to “give up something they enjoy doing” for a while in response to the bad decision they made. I always told Dylan not to worry, I, too made many bad choices and still do, but it’s just a part of living and learning and becoming the better person that God wants me to be or that I promised God I would help him be no matter what. It passes the buck somehow to say you are doing it cause you promised God to help them be the best boy / girl they can be and so you are following His guidelines of imposing consequences for certain behaviors. Empathizing makes it believable to them and they don’t feel you are the bad guy quite as much. It may not seem to work perfectly at first, but once it becomes part of what they expect to hear each time when they are screwing up, after awhile, it works similar to making a hissing sound at a cat when they are on the counter and need to get down…. suddenly their brain triggers and thinks … “hmmmm, am I about to make a bad decision?” and being in control of it, they will learn to curb it, instead of feeling like it’s a battle between you and them. It also gives them an out to back out of the deep water they are already half way into. It’s important too to get a good response from you about how proud you are of the good decision they just made. End of subject, they don’t have to dwell on whether they just gave in to a threat and looked stupid doing it, it’s about being on the same team and working together…. even though you have the job of carrying out the consequence sentence. Hope this helps. It has worked for us.

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