The Voice in My Head…

Entry of House

We’re moving forward with the house. Yesterday I got some drawings of the proposed plan from the architect. I am asking for a couple of changes to it, but its starting to move in the right direction.

Our new house will face the pasture where George played as a child, and the mountains. It has peaks in the roof and will have high ceilings in some of the rooms. It will sit sideways on the land so that the kitchen, dining and living area, plus my room will have a view. Lily’s room and playroom will be next to mine. I’m looking forward to the new kitchen. I love to cook and I really don’t like the one I have now. I’m also looking forward to Lily’s new playroom. She has a lot of stuff, and I need a place to keep it.

Facing the mountains.

Sara is going to live downstairs for the time being, in a guest area. It will have a kitchenette and den plus a bedroom and bath. She’ll have doors that open out to the view and will have lots light because of the windows.

I’m having some trouble tackling certain tasks. Most of them are physical. I have to pack and move things around. I’m doing better with the other stuff, like the house plans and paperwork I have to get through. Everything carries unexpected difficulties. I’ll be cruising along and suddenly reach and impasse. I feel like I never get enough done during any given day.

George would be after me to get everything done. He was good about finishing tasks when he was in a time crunch. Not so good when there was no deadline. As I work on things I hear his voice, telling me what he thinks I should do in any given situation. I try to just let it flow and not edit. I knew him well but he often surprised me with his opinions, so I’m trying to let him speak to me without putting my own spin on it.

When George was here, he liked to whisper things to me. He would walk by and say something quietly, usually about our past, and keep walking. It was very endearing. One thing he said was “You should have come to the good apartment.” This referred to the time when he was in Daytona Beach, Florida going to Embry-Riddle. He had had a string of awful places to live. Over time I had stayed with him while he was sleeping in a reclining chair and also when his “bedroom” was the hot water heater closet (!) Finally, after a couple of year, he spent a summer house-sitting for a friend who had a luxury condo. By then I was worn out with driving the six hours back and forth to see him every couple of weeks… and irritated that he never had money to come see me. So I refused to visit while he was in the condo. He never got over it.

When we finally broke up the first time it was because I decided I wanted to date a person who was pursuing me. I’d stuck out the long distance thing for two and a half years and I was tired. So I called him and told him about my impending date. Boy was he mad! He stayed mad for about six years. So when we got back together he would walk by me in the kitchen and say,”I can’t believe you went out with that guy.” It cracked me up. We’d sit watching tv, and from his easy chair he’d whisper,”I still can’t believe you went out with him.”

George was a nut, but in the best way. He was funny and goofy and he had a sense of fun about life that I miss every day. He made us laugh doing crazy things, sneaking up on us, whispering funny things, just generally acting silly. I’m really sorry that Lily will not have that fun presence in her life. I’m sorry I won’t have it anymore.

And by the way, if I had it to again, I absolutely would not have dated that other guy. I just with I’d given in and told George that.

Related posts:

1. The Building Begins
2. A Very Fine House
3. House Progress
4. Getting It Together…
5. Swan Dive

Tagged as: architect, Asheville, george maddox, lily maddox, lisa maddox, marriage, new house, widow