The Worst/Best Day of Our Lives

Seeing the video of Sanil at the crash site has plunged me into thinking about the accident again. I’m remembering September 4th.

Lily in the hotel in New Jersey the night before George died.

The day George died was a long one. Lily was in New Jersey to visit me for the Labor Day weekend. She had arrived the night before. The phone rang early, and we rushed to the hospital. It was a day of ups and downs. He went into cardiac failure. He rallied. He went into failure again. The priests and nuns came. A woman began singing a hymn to me. It was surreal.

I wanted to let Lily see George before he died. When I said this, the entire weight of the hospital came down on me. They didn’t want me to let her see him. I did. I let them prevail, but I still think she should have been allowed to see him. It’s the only thing I regret, but I do regret it.

After hours of hoping and praying, the doctor suddenly strode into the waiting room where Lily, Sara, Shirley, Lorna and I were waiting. She dropped into a chair and announced, “There is absolutely no hope.” I was stunned. Not by what she said, because I knew it was coming. I was stunned that she said it in front of Lily.

I asked her to give me a minute and said I would come to his room in a moment. I turned to Lily and said, “Do you understand what she means?”

“Dad is dying?” she asked. “Yes,” I said.

We sat there a moment.

“Right now?” she asked. “Yes,” I said.

A Last Look

We decided that Shirley would say goodbye and then stay with Lily and Sara and Lorna would stay with me and George. Lorna sat by me while he died, which took over and hour though we had suspended treatment. It was hot in the room, and bright, and people were rushing around. Lorna and I sat there until the doctor said, “I am saying this is over.” I guess that meant he was clinically dead, though he was still on the respirator. It seemed to take forever, and was also very sudden. It was the saddest, most amazing moment of my life. I felt humbled.

Leaving him there was hard. I kissed him, told him goodbye. I thanked all the doctors and nurses. I looked back at him. A last look.

I went to the waiting room. Lily was playing. She looked up. “Is he dead?” she asked.

“Yes,” I answered.

“He went to heaven,” she said. “I hope he had a nice trip.”

We gathered our things and trudged down the hall to the door. Sara was sobbing. Lily said, “This is the worst day of our lives.”

Hawker

We got to the hotel and packed. We hurried to the airport where the Quest jet was waiting. It’s a big plane. We got on. Lily was excited when she saw the plane. She sat in a padded leather seat and buckled her seat belt, which was gold plated.

“We’re rich!” she exclaimed. “This is the best day of our life!” She looked around, commenting on the video map that told us where we were, the bathroom, the seats, the windows. We all sat looking out the windows, crying. After a minute she cried, too.

Soon we got to the Reading airport and I charged through the office and to our car. I drove home and ran up the stairs to our bed and got in, pulling the covers up to my head. I laid there for 18 hours, running the whole day in my mind. Downstairs, Lily watched TV and played. The worst/best day of our lives was over, and everything was different forever.

Related posts:

1. Talked to an Angel
2. Other Pilot Visits the Crash Site
3. August 21, 2009 A Terrible Day For Our Family
4. What Happened?
5. What the Doctor Told Me

Tagged as: burned in crash, grief, Killed, like a dream, lily maddox, lisa maddox, livingston nj, lorna howley, Plane Crash, small plane, st. barnabus burn unit, teterboro airport, widow