Comments on: Busted http://rememberinggeorge.com/2009/12/11/busted/ A blog about my late husband, George Maddox, who died after being injured in a plane crash. About grief, marriage, love and unexpected loss. Tue, 03 Jan 2012 18:23:15 -0500 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: fifilaroach http://rememberinggeorge.com/2009/12/11/busted/comment-page-1/#comment-689 fifilaroach Sat, 12 Dec 2009 11:06:31 +0000 http://rememberinggeorge.com/?p=379#comment-689 Dear Sharon, Your words and humbling and make me hope that writing in public instead of in a notebook might be of some good to someone. When I my divorce from my first husband was pending, I was so distraught. He fairly suddenly decided he didn't want to be married to me and wanted to pursue other things. We'd been together 14 years. It was (before this happened) the worst thing that ever happened to me. It is awful to dumped. There's no other way to put it. It makes you question everything about yourself, and it was the first (and only) time in my life I'd encountered such betrayal from a loved one. Of course, that breakup was well timed, because George divined my pain and showed up to save the day. And he really did save me. He sort of shoveled me up off the floor and propped me up and made me look natural, if you know what I mean. I was in shock. He took care of me, loved me, made me whole and secure again. If you had told me even a year before all this happened that it was in my future I would have thought you were crazy. Maybe I was the crazy one in my misguided security. Anyway, George did show up, he did help me rebuild my life, and it became his life too and that was wonderful for both of us. Now that he's gone I am wondering, "What am I going to do?" But I know I will do something, and I will be happy again someday. I like to be happy, and George wanted me to be happy. So I will be, one day. Just can't imagine what form that happiness will take without him. So I absolutely know what you mean, and I understand your aversion to quiet, and your depression, and your pain. I hope you heal more every day, and I hope the same for myself. Thanks so much for your note. Lisa PS I have a link to the Joan Didion book at the very bottom of the page. You can order it and other books about grief from Amazon. Dear Sharon,
Your words and humbling and make me hope that writing in public instead of in a notebook might be of some good to someone. When I my divorce from my first husband was pending, I was so distraught. He fairly suddenly decided he didn’t want to be married to me and wanted to pursue other things. We’d been together 14 years. It was (before this happened) the worst thing that ever happened to me. It is awful to dumped. There’s no other way to put it. It makes you question everything about yourself, and it was the first (and only) time in my life I’d encountered such betrayal from a loved one.

Of course, that breakup was well timed, because George divined my pain and showed up to save the day. And he really did save me. He sort of shoveled me up off the floor and propped me up and made me look natural, if you know what I mean. I was in shock. He took care of me, loved me, made me whole and secure again. If you had told me even a year before all this happened that it was in my future I would have thought you were crazy. Maybe I was the crazy one in my misguided security.

Anyway, George did show up, he did help me rebuild my life, and it became his life too and that was wonderful for both of us. Now that he’s gone I am wondering, “What am I going to do?” But I know I will do something, and I will be happy again someday. I like to be happy, and George wanted me to be happy. So I will be, one day. Just can’t imagine what form that happiness will take without him. So I absolutely know what you mean, and I understand your aversion to quiet, and your depression, and your pain. I hope you heal more every day, and I hope the same for myself. Thanks so much for your note.

Lisa
PS I have a link to the Joan Didion book at the very bottom of the page. You can order it and other books about grief from Amazon.

]]> By: Sharon Mullally http://rememberinggeorge.com/2009/12/11/busted/comment-page-1/#comment-682 Sharon Mullally Sat, 12 Dec 2009 06:20:21 +0000 http://rememberinggeorge.com/?p=379#comment-682 Dear Lisa, After Casey, my son, died I had what I now call a complete system overhall of my wireing. My brain is forever changed. The "vocaubular amnesia" as Cathy calls it is somewhat semi-perminant, for me. I have large chunks of time that as I look back fifteen years later, I just don't remember. Whether this is a blessing or a curse, I just don't know, but it is what it is. I was by myself for two years after my son died and it was not pleasant at all, I worked a lot but when I was home it was horrible. I had TV's on in every room all the time. I had to have noise in the house. I was used to a teenage boy who was very noisy and always had friends over, then there was nothing, no noise, this horrible lack of sound drove me crazy. That was then and this is now....fifteen years later and I am married with a twelve year old daughter and if you would have told me this fifteen years ago I would have told you that you were crazy. God is good. Some how I got from then to now. I don't know how except one minute at a time. Which lead to one day at a time, which lead to one year at a time. I still have problems with depression. I still have problems with "vocabulary amnesia". I still can't stand the quite. I am forever changed. I refer to it as a short circuit in the wiring.....and like your friend said, post traumatic stress disorder. This type of trauma, losing a loved one, a husband, a child, is the worst type of trauma a human being can suffer and it is a pysical and mental change in our being forever. The author you have been reading is very wise and I am going to get this book and read it. Going through your loss with you is helping me by reflecting on my loss and realizing the physical and mental changes that still affect me today, but also the many many blessings that the Lord has heaped on me. I am also able to reflect on the many times that Our Father was the one that set the alarm, got out of bed, and faced another day. It wasn't me that is for sure. I was not able. Thank you Lord. Thank you Lisa for allowing me to share your grief, for sharing your grief is helping me to heal even more, even now. Thank you! Sincerely, Sharon Mullally Dear Lisa,
After Casey, my son, died I had what I now call a complete system overhall of my wireing. My brain is forever changed. The “vocaubular amnesia” as Cathy calls it is somewhat semi-perminant, for me. I have large chunks of time that as I look back fifteen years later, I just don’t remember. Whether this is a blessing or a curse, I just don’t know, but it is what it is. I was by myself for two years after my son died and it was not pleasant at all, I worked a lot but when I was home it was horrible. I had TV’s on in every room all the time. I had to have noise in the house. I was used to a teenage boy who was very noisy and always had friends over, then there was nothing, no noise, this horrible lack of sound drove me crazy.

That was then and this is now….fifteen years later and I am married with a twelve year old daughter and if you would have told me this fifteen years ago I would have told you that you were crazy. God is good. Some how I got from then to now. I don’t know how except one minute at a time. Which lead to one day at a time, which lead to one year at a time.

I still have problems with depression. I still have problems with “vocabulary amnesia”. I still can’t stand the quite. I am forever changed. I refer to it as a short circuit in the wiring…..and like your friend said, post traumatic stress disorder. This type of trauma, losing a loved one, a husband, a child, is the worst type of trauma a human being can suffer and it is a pysical and mental change in our being forever. The author you have been reading is very wise and I am going to get this book and read it.

Going through your loss with you is helping me by reflecting on my loss and realizing the physical and mental changes that still affect me today, but also the many many blessings that the Lord has heaped on me. I am also able to reflect on the many times that Our Father was the one that set the alarm, got out of bed, and faced another day. It wasn’t me that is for sure. I was not able. Thank you Lord.

Thank you Lisa for allowing me to share your grief, for sharing your grief is helping me to heal even more, even now. Thank you!

Sincerely,
Sharon Mullally

]]> By: joy http://rememberinggeorge.com/2009/12/11/busted/comment-page-1/#comment-679 joy Sat, 12 Dec 2009 04:38:59 +0000 http://rememberinggeorge.com/?p=379#comment-679 One word....TIME. Hugs to you and Lily, Joy One word….TIME.

Hugs to you and Lily,
Joy

]]> By: fifilaroach http://rememberinggeorge.com/2009/12/11/busted/comment-page-1/#comment-677 fifilaroach Sat, 12 Dec 2009 04:32:53 +0000 http://rememberinggeorge.com/?p=379#comment-677 You guys certainly had quite a reason to feel depression and grief. I had a mild case of it, and I was up here. My whole family was affected by Katrina. My parents were going to ride out the storm in a hotel, and only decided to leave when Lily, then three I guess, got on the phone and said, "Run away from the storm, Grandma." My sister worked at the VA and it flooded. Her condo building was looted. Her neighbors were threatened. She came out of Katrina without a job. My parents house was severely damaged and had over $20,000 just in damage to trees. My sister Laura's house had eight feet of water and wasn't livable for over a year. My family stayed with me for three months, then went home and fixed their houses and moved up here, except for Laura who couldn't leave her job. I've been to New Orleans twice since Katrina and felt vaguely sick the whole time. Sad, depressed and wistful. I think everyone who went through that tragedy is amazing for getting through and moving on, especially those who chose to stay in the city and forge on. I think about it all the time. I admire you guys so much. I love New Orleans, and New Orleanians. Thanks for the comments, Bets. xoxo You guys certainly had quite a reason to feel depression and grief. I had a mild case of it, and I was up here. My whole family was affected by Katrina. My parents were going to ride out the storm in a hotel, and only decided to leave when Lily, then three I guess, got on the phone and said, “Run away from the storm, Grandma.”

My sister worked at the VA and it flooded. Her condo building was looted. Her neighbors were threatened. She came out of Katrina without a job.

My parents house was severely damaged and had over $20,000 just in damage to trees.

My sister Laura’s house had eight feet of water and wasn’t livable for over a year.

My family stayed with me for three months, then went home and fixed their houses and moved up here, except for Laura who couldn’t leave her job.

I’ve been to New Orleans twice since Katrina and felt vaguely sick the whole time. Sad, depressed and wistful. I think everyone who went through that tragedy is amazing for getting through and moving on, especially those who chose to stay in the city and forge on. I think about it all the time. I admire you guys so much. I love New Orleans, and New Orleanians.

Thanks for the comments, Bets. xoxo

]]> By: betsy http://rememberinggeorge.com/2009/12/11/busted/comment-page-1/#comment-673 betsy Sat, 12 Dec 2009 02:58:38 +0000 http://rememberinggeorge.com/?p=379#comment-673 depression is a physical thing with mental consequences as well. throw in a little post-traumatic stress on top of that, and you sound like someone doing pretty well under the circumstances. there will be times you will not think clearly. i chased after a woman in a grocery store some years ago who looked enough like a recently deceased friend that i could suddenly believe her death and funeral had been a dream. this happens. all the more reason to make sure that you have some sources of clear thinking at your disposal. after hurricane katrina we were all half-crazed for quite awhile--and since everyone was affected it was worse. no buffer, you know? no objective help with problem-solving, limited emotional resources...it is not the same thing as your loss but i certainly remember some of the symptoms you describe... depression is a physical thing with mental consequences as well. throw in a little post-traumatic stress on top of that, and you sound like someone doing pretty well under the circumstances. there will be times you will not think clearly. i chased after a woman in a grocery store some years ago who looked enough like a recently deceased friend that i could suddenly believe her death and funeral had been a dream. this happens. all the more reason to make sure that you have some sources of clear thinking at your disposal. after hurricane katrina we were all half-crazed for quite awhile–and since everyone was affected it was worse. no buffer, you know? no objective help with problem-solving, limited emotional resources…it is not the same thing as your loss but i certainly remember some of the symptoms you describe…

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