On December 25 we’ll have a lot of trouble ignoring that George is missing. Christmas was NOT his favorite holiday. Like most singletons he spent his first 46 years buying what he wanted when he wanted it, and I never seemed to be able to figure out what he really wanted that he didn’t already have. But he did enjoy watching Lily open her gifts, and like all dads he got involved in the putting together/securing batteries/ sneaking around stuff. He was pretty good at all of that.
Sara and I are working on Christmas early (for this family anyway, we always used to wait until it was really late.) We have all the gifts already and we’re beginning to wrap them. The tree goes up tomorrow. I’m cooking Christmas day. Everyone will come here to my house to open gifts since all the gifts are going to Lily anyway. My mom and dad don’t care too much for the gift exchange aspect of things, so we never have done much of that as adults. If we didn’t have Lily in the family it would be just like every other day, I fear.
Today Lily had another tantrum about homework. After the storm clouds had passed I sat her on my lap to talk. I asked her what was up. “Dad,” she said. Enough said. I asked her if she felt angry. “Very,” she said. I told her that I am her only parent now and she is taking everything out on me and it hurts my feelings. I told her I’m not sure what to do when she gets like this. “That’s okay Mom, I don’t know what to do either.” She did tell me I am welcome to spank her. Which I’ve never done. And won’t be doing.
But I expect that Christmas is going to be tough, even without spankings, for everyone who loved and depended on George.
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{ 5 comments }
Lisa,
I’m so sad reading this. Sweet Lily. And what an angelic picture of George and Lily. My Dad was killed when I was 16. I wasn’t near as young as Lily but Christmas has never been the same. Now with my girls you’d think I would have forgotten but I put on a smile, I AM truly happy to see them happy at Christmas but I sure miss him. And I feel cheated that I never got to see him, see them. It’s not fair and it does cause kids to act out when they don’t even really know why. My brother was 12 and had a horrible time, gave my Mom a hard time for several years. Lily just doesn’t know any other way right now… she’s just a baby. She’s wise though and she’s blessed to have a Mommy like you. You’re blessed to have a sweet daughter like her. And I know George was a special Daddy and husband. My prayers are that you both have as happy a Christmas as possible. I wish I knew what to say… it’s just hard. I wish you every kind of Christmas magic that there could be, lots of blessings from Heaven and hope that you can get some rest. God bless Lily’s sweet little heart to.
Hugs,
Ginger
So sorry things are so hard at this time! I do remember Christmas being the hardest of the Holidays to get through without the special ones here with us! The one consistant thing is family and all the love at Christmas time! It will never be the same without George! Maybe you & Lily could buy a new special Guardian Angel for your tree this year! You might not realize it now but you will in time measure the passing of time and a new life for you & Lily’s beginning by the end of George’s life here on earth…I cant explain why but it just is!..You obviously are blessed with patience..Little Lily must be having a very hard time dealing with the loss of her father.. You & Lily have shared a loss like no one else! this to shall be a very strong bond for you & Lily. A bond that gets stronger in time! All my love & prayers for you this Holiday Season!
Thanks Ginger and Jeannie. Yes, all days will be measured from Sept 4, 2009 from now on.
I appreciate your comments. Lisa
what a sweet and smart child Lilly is….
MERRY CHRISTMAS to you and Lily and your WHOLE family. You will have good food, loud laughter, interesting conversation as well as the occasional tear but you will be with family so ENJOY!
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