Comments on: Countdown to a New Life

By: joy

joy — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 08:25:05 +0000

As for Lily’s recent “NO”, I am sure part of is is just being a KID. But if you think she needs some extra help, maybe see a grief counselor to help her deal with the loss. You might find she has been trying extra hard to be “normal and good” b/c she feels it is her job to be “good for Mommy”, and she is feeling stress from that job. Kids are funny, as much as we try to protect them from “sad/bad/ugly”, when they see us stressed, they try to do the same for us, and they don’t even know it. You are a good mom, you know Lily and I am sure you’ll figure this one out too. J

By: joy

joy — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 08:18:30 +0000

Hey Lisa, It’s still tough going, but you will emerge months from now, you WILL, and things will see “better”. Don’t worry about “how it should be done” cuz like parenting, there are a set of “standards” but it’s different for every parent / child / situation. Standard is, YOU DO THE BEST YOU CAN DO at the time, using with whatever understanding you have, using whatever tools you have available to you, and that’s ALL you can do. 20/20 hindsight, for those days when you feel the need to beat yourself in the head, “See? I should have, could have…,” always seems “perfect” and is great for piling regret upon YOURSELF. I know cuz I spent a LONG TIME doing that very unhealthy activity to myself. You know in your heart what is best b/c you are a loving, caring woman, who is TOUGHER than you realize. I do believe if you just face one day at a time, make plans for your future, even if you don’t feel like it or feel depressed, etc., just going through the exercise will at least be a point of focus for you (like Lamaze breathing), and in time, when you are ready, you will at least have some stuff planned. What you have gone through is a tremendous tragedy. In time, I know you will overcome. If you love nature, maybe go for a nature walk (in a safe area of course), clear your head, cry if you need to, talk to George if you feel it, let your guard down, cuz sometimes we work so hard to keep up a facade of “normal” for the kids, we emotionally wear ourselves out! (I used to take long hot showers, and cry/scream/talk to myself…..to clear my head. NO nature paths anywhere near me.) Hang in there…..AND keep writing b/c I think your words are beautiful and Lily WILL one day, be forever grateful for your committment to this task of overcoming tragedy. I am grateful for your sharing your strength with me. HUGS to you and Lily…. Your new home will be beautiful and maybe that will be the starting point for whatever you “feel” is right for the future.

By: Caroline

Caroline — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 14:39:47 +0000

…and sometimes children are unreasonable and throw tantrums because that’s what kids do. They, too, are trying to conquer their environments, feelings, bad days, good days, etc. And I don’t mean this callous when I say this, but not everything with you are Lily is about loss. Sometimes it is just life. Life in a time when the economy is bad, health problems on the rise, raising a child in the 21st century, trying to live in the 21st century. Everyone knows someone who has been touched by all the bad news lately. Keep on keeping on. Progress is all you need, not perfection. And some days, progress is being able to make it back to the bed.

By: betsy

betsy — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 12:36:13 +0000

it seems you are writing your own handbook about how to get through this; i suspect that everyone has to write their own, every time they deal with such a loss. do not feel silly about calling any of us–it’s a different feel than the writing, as you know–and it sounds as if you could use another perspective at those times, so don’t be shy about asking for it! being sleep-deprived makes everything more difficult to deal with, and is a part of the situation that might be addressed medically–when so much of the rest of it can’t be…..hugs, b

By: lesley brown

lesley brown — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 11:21:57 +0000

Lisa,
I’m so sorry for what your going through. I wish there was something I could do, but I know that only time and prayer will heal you and lily. At least you have a plan, as empty as it seems without George, it will help you to have something to focus on.
You are going to love Asheville, and how wonderful to be living on the very ground that George grew up on!!! Someday the pain will lessen and you will be blessed with the precious memeories of your life with such a special person! I know how blessed i feel to have been a part of his life and will always hold him close to my heart! You have the most precious part of him with you, Lily, she will always keep him alive, in watching her grow! Soon you will be able to see her play and run in the very pasture that he did. George spirit will always be all around you and Lily!!!
Love to you all
Lesley