Black Mountain, NC
Another day is dawning here at Days Inn… and I’m up to see it again. It is so hard to sleep with all that is going through my mind tonight. Watching Lily yesterday I realized that she has grown while this has been going on. She is taller. She is smarter. She is tougher.
I’d venture a guess that I am at least tougher too. Went to the church to scout yet another memorial yesterday with Sara and Shirley. We went through the entire explanation of what we are hoping the memorial will be like, walked through the church, approved a few details. Tending to the minutiae of these gatherings is stressful. I want things to go well, but I’m having trouble concentrating on their meaning at this point.
Lily's program art
Three memorials is quite a lot to go through, and each one has had its trying aspects. This one is taking place at Shirley’s church, which is quite lovely. We’ll have different music at this one, with the theme being “I’ll Follow the Sun.” Lily has drawn a new picture for the program, with a winged guitar flying into the sky, a heart, and a big yellow sun. Very poetic, and heartbreakingly sad for me to look at.
I’m hoping that after this memorial, and some much needed downtime, she and I can go about the business of becoming a family of two. Almost unimaginable to think, but that is what we are now. “Just keep swimming,” is what I tell Lily, “Just like in Finding Nemo.” She loves that movie, the first one she ever saw in a movie theater.
She got tired during the film, and I told George she and I would meet him out in the hall. After about thirty minutes, we still found ourselves alone, so I went into the theater to see what was keeping George. He was happily eating his popcorn. “This is a really good movie,” he said. He’d hardly noticed we’d been gone. “Are we leaving?” I asked. “No, I want to see what happens,” he said.
Lily and I went back out to wander the halls and he stayed alone to finish the story. Tonight I feel like I felt that day, as Lily and I looked around in the theater lobby for something to do while we waiting around, watching for George. He was caught up in a new adventure and happy to experience it alone. I hope he is on a wonderful adventure now, somehow, somewhere, planning to meet up with us soon.
Lily and Scout
When we drove into Asheville Saturday it was raining. I mentioned that the rain made me sad. Lily said, “Don’t be sad. They’re drops of happiness. Drops of joy. Drops of Daddy’s love.” I hope one day she puts it in a song. Her wisdom astounds me, and I love her more than ever, ever, ever.
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George is on a new adventure, one that someday he will tell you and Lily all about. He is with you right now, in everything you do.
We are still thinking of you and praying for you, Lily and Shirley as the days draw closer to George’s last memorial.
DEAR, LISA & LILY Hope your feeling A little better today. May you feel the beautiful peace of mind that comes from knowing He hears all prayers and His healing power is already at work in you & Lily,you could never be in better hands then His. Rember I only found out about George’s horrific tragady about A week ago.I felt the pain in my heart too.So I say many prayers are with you and lily while you’re recovering. Love Eddie
“Drops of Daddy’s Love”… that’s a huge epiphany! She must be an angel.
Dear Lisa,
I don’t know how you two have managed THREE memorials. I have prayed for you non stop. I did not have that strength when Casey, my son, died. I barely made it through the ten minute service at my church. Then I slept all the way to my hometown for another ten minute grave side service. This probably would not have been how I would have buried my son had he not shared his wishes with me the weeks before he died. He died in a car accident so I can only wonder where that came from but, he had explained he wanted a closed casket and no funeral home, and a ten minute funeral at our church. He made me promice, so I honored his request. It was the hardest thing I have ever lived through. I have been changed forever!!! I know I am a stronger woman for having lived through this but I wish I could have got stronger another way. I miss my child more than I could have even imagine!!! I remember asking, “when will I be able to breath without feeling the pain in my chest take my breath away?” I needed to know how to live again and it was not easy….not at all…..but I had a good friend who had also lost a child…she kept me going by telling me, “you will never stop hurting, but you will find a place for your pain” I did not understand what she meant but she also told me, “you will know when you have done it.” I finally got there, I finally can turn the TV off at night and sleep without thoughts filling my every waking moment and keeping me awake no matter how tired I am. Progress is slow but sure, people would tell me to take “one day at a time” I had to take it “one minute at a time” A day at a time was too big for me to handle. This is a good way to get your feelings out, God Bless you and Lily. I will have to meet you one day. Enjoy your daughter, give yourself time to heal, take things slow….real slow…be nice to yourself.
I hope anything I share with you is helpful. Wish I had known you were up all night because I was too. I still occasionally have my “bad” nights too.
Have a Blessed Day,
Feel free to write to me anytime, or if it will help to talk to somone who has lost loved ones in accidents. Feel free to call 985-312-4612.
Sharon Mullally
Keep writing…know we love you! Beautiful to read.
Still reading, have not forgotten you and Lily. Thanks for sharing your writings, you have touched us all.
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